This is by Sidin- (PLD's friend)
Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere mallus and tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)
Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.
Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.
If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.
Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialised around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.)
How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t shirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".
Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.
Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."
In one last effort here we attractive young men have taken on alter egos which may interest some of you women:
1. Gautam Kumar Raja, will now be known as Joshua Perreira
2. Sidin Sunny Vadukut, henceforth will be known as Dev Chopra
3. Ashwath Venkataraman is now Vijay Desai
4. Sudarshan Ramakrishnan no more, from now he is Barath Sharma
5. Gautam Chandrasekharan will now respond to Alyque Shah
Do mail me any time for a meeting with one of the above. One week notice if Italian or Chinese food is involved, or if the individual is expected to dance.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
My Stupid Suicide Plan
-Chetan Bhagat
Last week, an IITian committed suicide. People who commit suicide do it when they feel there's no future. But wait, isn't IIT the one place where a bright and shining future is a foregone conclusion? It just doesn't add up, does it? Why would a young, hardworking, bright student who has the world ahead of him do something like this? But the answer is this-in our constant reverence for the great institution (and I do believe IITs are great), we forget the dark side. And the dark side is that the IITs are afflicted by the quintessential Indian phenomenon of academic pressure, probably the highest in the world.
I can rant about the educational system and how it requires serious fixing, or I can address the immediate-try my best to prevent such suicides. For this column I have chosen the latter, and I do so with a personal story.
News of a suicide always brings back one particular childhood memory. I was 14 years old when I first seriously contemplated suicide. I had done badly in chemistry in the Class X half yearly exam. I was an IIT aspirant, and 68% was nowhere near what an IIT candidate should be getting. I don't know what had made me screw up the exam, but I did know this, I was going to kill myself. The only debate was about method.
Ironically, chemistry offered a way. I had read about copper sulphate, and that it was both cheap and poisonous. Copper sulphate was available at the kirana store. I had it all worked out.
My rationale for killing myself was simple-nobody loved me, my chemistry score was awful, I had no future and what difference would it make to the world if I was not there. I bought the copper sulphate for two rupees-probably the cheapest exit strategy in the world.
I didn't do it for two reasons. One, I had a casual chat with the aunty next door about copper sulphate, and my knowledgeable aunty knew about a woman who had died that way. She said it was the most painful death possible, all your veins burst and you suffer for hours. This tale made my insides shudder. Second, on the day I was to do it, I noticed a street dog outside my house being teased by the neighborhood kids as he hunted for scraps of food. Nobody loved him. It would make no difference to the world if the dog wasn't there. And I was pretty sure that its chemistry score would be awful. Yet, the dog wasn't trotting off to the kirana store. He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his next meal. And when he was full, he merely curled up in a corner with one eye open, clearly content and not giving a damn about the world. If he wasn't planning to die anytime soon what the hell was I ranting about? I threw the copper sulphate
in the bin. It was the best two bucks I ever wasted.
So why did I tell you this story? Because sometimes the pressure gets too much; like it did for the IITian who couldn't take it no more. On the day he took that dreadful decision, his family and friends were shattered, and India lost a wonderful, bright child. And as the silly but true copper sulphate story tells you-it could happen to any of us or those around us. So please be on the lookout, if you see a distressed young soul, lend a supportive, non-judgmental ear. When I look back, I thank that aunt and that dog for unwittingly saving my life. If God wanted us to take our own life, he would have provided a power off button. He didn't, so have faith and let his plan for you unfold. Because no matter how tough life gets and how much it hurts, if street dogs don't give up, there is no reason why we, the smart species, should. Makes sense right?
Last week, an IITian committed suicide. People who commit suicide do it when they feel there's no future. But wait, isn't IIT the one place where a bright and shining future is a foregone conclusion? It just doesn't add up, does it? Why would a young, hardworking, bright student who has the world ahead of him do something like this? But the answer is this-in our constant reverence for the great institution (and I do believe IITs are great), we forget the dark side. And the dark side is that the IITs are afflicted by the quintessential Indian phenomenon of academic pressure, probably the highest in the world.
I can rant about the educational system and how it requires serious fixing, or I can address the immediate-try my best to prevent such suicides. For this column I have chosen the latter, and I do so with a personal story.
News of a suicide always brings back one particular childhood memory. I was 14 years old when I first seriously contemplated suicide. I had done badly in chemistry in the Class X half yearly exam. I was an IIT aspirant, and 68% was nowhere near what an IIT candidate should be getting. I don't know what had made me screw up the exam, but I did know this, I was going to kill myself. The only debate was about method.
Ironically, chemistry offered a way. I had read about copper sulphate, and that it was both cheap and poisonous. Copper sulphate was available at the kirana store. I had it all worked out.
My rationale for killing myself was simple-nobody loved me, my chemistry score was awful, I had no future and what difference would it make to the world if I was not there. I bought the copper sulphate for two rupees-probably the cheapest exit strategy in the world.
I didn't do it for two reasons. One, I had a casual chat with the aunty next door about copper sulphate, and my knowledgeable aunty knew about a woman who had died that way. She said it was the most painful death possible, all your veins burst and you suffer for hours. This tale made my insides shudder. Second, on the day I was to do it, I noticed a street dog outside my house being teased by the neighborhood kids as he hunted for scraps of food. Nobody loved him. It would make no difference to the world if the dog wasn't there. And I was pretty sure that its chemistry score would be awful. Yet, the dog wasn't trotting off to the kirana store. He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his next meal. And when he was full, he merely curled up in a corner with one eye open, clearly content and not giving a damn about the world. If he wasn't planning to die anytime soon what the hell was I ranting about? I threw the copper sulphate
in the bin. It was the best two bucks I ever wasted.
So why did I tell you this story? Because sometimes the pressure gets too much; like it did for the IITian who couldn't take it no more. On the day he took that dreadful decision, his family and friends were shattered, and India lost a wonderful, bright child. And as the silly but true copper sulphate story tells you-it could happen to any of us or those around us. So please be on the lookout, if you see a distressed young soul, lend a supportive, non-judgmental ear. When I look back, I thank that aunt and that dog for unwittingly saving my life. If God wanted us to take our own life, he would have provided a power off button. He didn't, so have faith and let his plan for you unfold. Because no matter how tough life gets and how much it hurts, if street dogs don't give up, there is no reason why we, the smart species, should. Makes sense right?
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Is it called "Love" ??
Nurse felt that was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am,
when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures
(stitches) removed from
his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an
appointment at 9:00 am. I
(nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I
was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam
it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed
supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in
conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning
somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he
needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she
had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.
As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I
asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no
longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still
going every morning, even
though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he
patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she
is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps
on my arm, and
thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love
is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures
(stitches) removed from
his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an
appointment at 9:00 am. I
(nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I
was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam
it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed
supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in
conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning
somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he
needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she
had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.
As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I
asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no
longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still
going every morning, even
though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he
patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she
is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps
on my arm, and
thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love
is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Jhun speaks here...
"Dr. Jhunjhunwala's talk was very enthusiastic,
encouraging for new entrepreneurs. There were around
70 attendees and it was well received by audiences.
Background:
Dr. Jhunjhunwala started his work back in 1991 with a
vision "HOW INDIA COULD BE TRANSFORMED INTO A RESEARCH
POWER HOUSE"
In the analysis phase of vision he asked few questions
to himself and his small group members:
1- What could be basic driving force behind RESEARCH?
Is this individual's ambition or hunger? Is this
government driven? Is this charitable driven or
business community driven?
2- What are the basic necessities of a common
urban/rural Indian?
3- What is lacking in Indian education and research
system?
After long discussions within his team, he arrived at
following conclusions:
1- Business is the best force to drive the research.
He and his team did a tremendous work to find out
followings:
a. What are the fields in which India is doing well?
b. What are the fields in which India is lacking?
c. What are the fields in which western countries are
not doing well?
2- The basic necessities of a common man are
health-care, education and livelihood.
Based upon the above facts he chose telephone system
as a model example for his vision. It took 8 years for
him to get a telephone at his residence when he joined
as a faulty in IITM.
He started the analysis with a simple economics:
How much is the cost to install a telephone? : - 55000
Rs in 90's
How many telephones are there in India? : - 7 million
How much can a common man afford to pay as per month
telephone bill?: 250 Rs.
Where is most part of the cost involved in the current
telephone system? (Cost of telephone instrument, O&M –
operation & maintenance, setting up communication
lines). After analysis of historical data, it was
discovered that most expensive part is in setting up
communication lines.
He approached many business men (Ratan Tata, Mukesh
Ambani and many more) with a proposal to create a
network of 10 million telephones at a nominal cost of
10000 Rs per phone. He and his team invented the
Wireless Local Loop (WLL) technology to provide
telephones in urban and rural areas at a very low
cost.
Incubation of Companies:
His TENET group incubated with many companies
N-Louge, Midas, NMSworks, NexGe, CK Technologies,
ISoftTech, Venture East, and many more.
1- Business is the best force to drive the research.
He and his team did a tremendous work to find out
followings:
a. What are the fields in which India is doing well?
b. What are the fields in which India is lacking?
c. What are the fields in which western countries are
not doing well?
2- The basic necessities of a common man are
health-care, education and livelihood.
Based upon the above facts he chose telephone system
as a model example for his vision. It took 8 years for
him to get a telephone at his residence when he joined
as a faulty in IITM.
He started the analysis with a simple economics:
How much is the cost to install a telephone? : - 55000
Rs in 90's
How many telephones are there in India? : - 7 million
How much can a common man afford to pay as per month
telephone bill?: 250 Rs.
Where is most part of the cost involved in the current
telephone system? (Cost of telephone instrument, O&M –
operation & maintenance, setting up communication
lines). After analysis of historical data, it was
discovered that most expensive part is in setting up
communication lines.
He approached many business men (Ratan Tata, Mukesh
Ambani and many more) with a proposal to create a
network of 10 million telephones at a nominal cost of
10000 Rs per phone. He and his team invented the
Wireless Local Loop (WLL) technology to provide
telephones in urban and rural areas at a very low
cost.
Incubation of Companies:
His TENET group incubated with many companies
N-Louge, Midas, NMSworks, NexGe, CK Technologies,
ISoftTech, Venture East, and many more.
He is in Board of Directors of these three
institutions.
Research Park:
IITM is in process to create a research park adjacent
to IITM. It will be located between IIT and Tidel
Park. Govt of Tamilnadu has already allocated the land
for this. According to him this new park should be
ready within next 5 years and estimated cost is 150
Crore Rs for first phase. 85% percent of the park
premises will be leased or rented for big firms
whereas 15% will be allocated to startups at
discounted rate. All the companies within the park
will allow IITians to work as part time employee. He
is expecting 10-15% of the employees should join as
part time Masters or research students in IIT.
Main focus will be on IT, Bio, Auto, telecom sector.
He came here to market his vision with following
agenda:
1- To raise 10 Crore Rs from Alumni within next 18
months,
2- Invite new entrepreneurs to start companies in
Research Park.
Comparison between IISc and IIT System:
Many questions came out during the talk about
comparison between IISc and IIT. Does IISc get better
quality of research students than IIT? The answer is
very simple: there is no undergraduate course offered
by IISc and IISc is completely research institute.
IISc has SID cell for industry interaction and project
consultancies.
As it is more towards Science research than
engineering, this may be one reason there is not as
much incubation in IISc as in IITM.
Dr. Jhunjhunwala mentioned a very interesting point
during his talk that 91 - 96 was the golden time for
research as Government of India reduced the IIT
funding, (Then finance minister was Manmohan Singh)
and IIT had to figure out new ways to generate funds.
IIT approached different VCs, business parties, and
faced very uncomfortable questions from industry which
IIT was not used to. It completely changed the
thinking and outlook of IITM system, and eventually
forced IITM to become more accountable for the fund
they were receiving."
--
End of Summary
If you wish to contact/thank the author, please
send me email, and I will forward them to the author.
encouraging for new entrepreneurs. There were around
70 attendees and it was well received by audiences.
Background:
Dr. Jhunjhunwala started his work back in 1991 with a
vision "HOW INDIA COULD BE TRANSFORMED INTO A RESEARCH
POWER HOUSE"
In the analysis phase of vision he asked few questions
to himself and his small group members:
1- What could be basic driving force behind RESEARCH?
Is this individual's ambition or hunger? Is this
government driven? Is this charitable driven or
business community driven?
2- What are the basic necessities of a common
urban/rural Indian?
3- What is lacking in Indian education and research
system?
After long discussions within his team, he arrived at
following conclusions:
1- Business is the best force to drive the research.
He and his team did a tremendous work to find out
followings:
a. What are the fields in which India is doing well?
b. What are the fields in which India is lacking?
c. What are the fields in which western countries are
not doing well?
2- The basic necessities of a common man are
health-care, education and livelihood.
Based upon the above facts he chose telephone system
as a model example for his vision. It took 8 years for
him to get a telephone at his residence when he joined
as a faulty in IITM.
He started the analysis with a simple economics:
How much is the cost to install a telephone? : - 55000
Rs in 90's
How many telephones are there in India? : - 7 million
How much can a common man afford to pay as per month
telephone bill?: 250 Rs.
Where is most part of the cost involved in the current
telephone system? (Cost of telephone instrument, O&M –
operation & maintenance, setting up communication
lines). After analysis of historical data, it was
discovered that most expensive part is in setting up
communication lines.
He approached many business men (Ratan Tata, Mukesh
Ambani and many more) with a proposal to create a
network of 10 million telephones at a nominal cost of
10000 Rs per phone. He and his team invented the
Wireless Local Loop (WLL) technology to provide
telephones in urban and rural areas at a very low
cost.
Incubation of Companies:
His TENET group incubated with many companies
N-Louge, Midas, NMSworks, NexGe, CK Technologies,
ISoftTech, Venture East, and many more.
1- Business is the best force to drive the research.
He and his team did a tremendous work to find out
followings:
a. What are the fields in which India is doing well?
b. What are the fields in which India is lacking?
c. What are the fields in which western countries are
not doing well?
2- The basic necessities of a common man are
health-care, education and livelihood.
Based upon the above facts he chose telephone system
as a model example for his vision. It took 8 years for
him to get a telephone at his residence when he joined
as a faulty in IITM.
He started the analysis with a simple economics:
How much is the cost to install a telephone? : - 55000
Rs in 90's
How many telephones are there in India? : - 7 million
How much can a common man afford to pay as per month
telephone bill?: 250 Rs.
Where is most part of the cost involved in the current
telephone system? (Cost of telephone instrument, O&M –
operation & maintenance, setting up communication
lines). After analysis of historical data, it was
discovered that most expensive part is in setting up
communication lines.
He approached many business men (Ratan Tata, Mukesh
Ambani and many more) with a proposal to create a
network of 10 million telephones at a nominal cost of
10000 Rs per phone. He and his team invented the
Wireless Local Loop (WLL) technology to provide
telephones in urban and rural areas at a very low
cost.
Incubation of Companies:
His TENET group incubated with many companies
N-Louge, Midas, NMSworks, NexGe, CK Technologies,
ISoftTech, Venture East, and many more.
He is in Board of Directors of these three
institutions.
Research Park:
IITM is in process to create a research park adjacent
to IITM. It will be located between IIT and Tidel
Park. Govt of Tamilnadu has already allocated the land
for this. According to him this new park should be
ready within next 5 years and estimated cost is 150
Crore Rs for first phase. 85% percent of the park
premises will be leased or rented for big firms
whereas 15% will be allocated to startups at
discounted rate. All the companies within the park
will allow IITians to work as part time employee. He
is expecting 10-15% of the employees should join as
part time Masters or research students in IIT.
Main focus will be on IT, Bio, Auto, telecom sector.
He came here to market his vision with following
agenda:
1- To raise 10 Crore Rs from Alumni within next 18
months,
2- Invite new entrepreneurs to start companies in
Research Park.
Comparison between IISc and IIT System:
Many questions came out during the talk about
comparison between IISc and IIT. Does IISc get better
quality of research students than IIT? The answer is
very simple: there is no undergraduate course offered
by IISc and IISc is completely research institute.
IISc has SID cell for industry interaction and project
consultancies.
As it is more towards Science research than
engineering, this may be one reason there is not as
much incubation in IISc as in IITM.
Dr. Jhunjhunwala mentioned a very interesting point
during his talk that 91 - 96 was the golden time for
research as Government of India reduced the IIT
funding, (Then finance minister was Manmohan Singh)
and IIT had to figure out new ways to generate funds.
IIT approached different VCs, business parties, and
faced very uncomfortable questions from industry which
IIT was not used to. It completely changed the
thinking and outlook of IITM system, and eventually
forced IITM to become more accountable for the fund
they were receiving."
--
End of Summary
If you wish to contact/thank the author, please
send me email, and I will forward them to the author.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- venkatesh
- I am debonair, smart, urbane lad from the beautiful city on the shores on sun-kissed arabian sea Udupi. These are not my dossier but a-muggle thoughts out of lonely meanderings. I wish you will like them if you happened to bump onto them.. I HOPE..